Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Update about this mess -- Tommi

Well, the storm in the Black Room is still raging and everyone who I said was missing is still missing.

Some good news though, Little Erin managed to find a tunnel between the Room of Requirement and the White Room, so now her, Bloomer, and I are all together. Morale is definitely a bit up from gloomy because of that. Bloomer and Little Erin are very good friends; it was hard on them the way it was.

I'm starting to have theories about what the storm is or, more accurately, who is causing the storm. I have a really good feeling that it is the pre-personality/fragment named Anguish causing it. I feel like I ought to talk to her, but I'm worried that she'll be too strong for me, take over, and run somewhere... Like, run away from the parent's house and be out on her own... Of all the things to happen, that is not one of them. So I'm not going to talk to her for now.

I have a strong gut feeling that Morrigan is in Alter. I don't know where she is or why she went there. I also think that's where Sierra took the girls. I mean, this is just me making conjecture... But it sounds right to me.

-- Tommi


  1. So how is this different from previous times when the Black Room went under lockdown?

    It does sound plausible that the storm and Anguish could be somehow related. I also remember reading something in a previous entry about dark clouds in the Black Room as well (One of Yomi's entries closer to January I think).

    Certain elements of a mindscape (including someone/something's appearance and many other factors) can change depending on current mood and stress levels. A mind at peace looks different in certain aspects than a mind in turmoil.

    Don't forget that there are allies and resources on this side as well.

    That's it for my 20 cents for the time being. Good luck out there.

  2. Two of the ways this is different from last time is that a) there's a storm inside and b) people have gone missing. From what I understand, when the Black Room went into lock down the only thing that happened was that all the doors were locked. That's it. This time, there is a storm, the doors are locked, and people have gone missing. Yomi, Morrigan, Sierra, Ginko, and Rachel are all MIA.

    As for this cloud you remember, it was made of fear... Which is a much different feeling than I'm getting from this storm.

    Thanks for your imput, it's nice to see a comment on the blog for a change. Any other questions?

    -- Tommi

  3. These feelings you mentioned about Morrigan and Sierra being in Alter and such. There is a possibility there could be more to it than feelings. Could they perhaps be a result of subconsicous influence?

    In my own mindscape, I have noted the existence of a force known as the Currents that exists in the subconscious layer. There is technically no crossing between the conscious and subconscious layers, but they can influence one another to a degree. I have found that by quieting my mind, it is possible to gain insight such as possible solutions to problems that otherwise would not be heard or identifying hidden stressors.

    I have theorized that like the sensory barrier between the Black Room and this side that I brought up with Morrigan, the subconscious layer still serves the whole. Could there perhaps be a way for you to take advantage of this? I have a couple techniques if you're interested.

    On a different note, how does one differentiate between referring to Erin the whole and Erin the girl in Alter Michigan? I realize the representation, but it is still potentially confusing.

    That's my 20 cents for now. Until next time.

  4. My gut feelings about Morrigan and Sierra could almost be logic... Where else would they go? That's where I'd go if I needed to get away. We're from there. It's comfortable there.

    However, I do get these feelings like you're talking about. I do not know how much of the unconscious mind plays a part in what happens, however I do know it does have a part. Us just *knowing* facts about the others' past, our own pasts without being told about it previously.

    I will say that I would not be interested in this method at this time, only because things are so messed up right now and we have never used it during a "calmer" time. I would want to know how it effects us before experimenting during a stressful time. The last time Yomi tried some mental techniques to merely calm our mindscape, it had the direct opposite effect. So I must err on the side of caution for now. However, remind me when there are reports of a calmer mindscape and I'll have to discuss it with Morrigan.

    The only way to really differentiate between the two is context. We would use pluralized words along with the name Erin. For example, a phrase we say inside sometimes is "All of Erin." The word "all" denotes that it's the Alters as a whole. We also might write something like "Erin (the original)." This example is fairly obvious. Contextual hints would be if the writer is talking about a specific memory, if the name Erin is paired with "Kitty" or "Horsie", or if we make a statement that is about specific people. When it is unclear, we will try to use parenthetical to help out. Otherwise, a quick question in a comment never hurt anyone.



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