Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

From Internal to External -- Morrigan

This will possibly be the last post on this blog. Don't worry, nothing dreadful is happening. Several of us realized that what this blog was intended for is now obsolete. We understand our internal structure for the most part. There are still a many areas of the Black Room that have yet to be explored, however, we do not have the overwhelming need to explain it here any more.

Instead, we have a different blog We Choose Harmony, whose purpose is to write out what is currently happening in our external world. Our hope is that by blogging through some of our struggles as well as our joys and break throughs, it will cause us to be more intentional about attaining our goal: Learning to work together as we strive for a healthy and awesome life.

I know that Harmony may include some of us to Integrate. At first, those of us who see this as dying were completely opposed. However, after listening to Naomi talk about how she feels like half of a whole without Yomi, we are beginning to understand that maybe integration can be a good thing too. We are coming to accept the idea that, for some of us, healing brings integration... Or maybe it's that integration brings healing. Regardless of how it actually works, it's not something we are terrified of anymore.

Also, I know that many of the struggles we face are common to every person, not just those with mental disorders. Tommi and I currently struggling with how to exert authority in a management type role while still maintaining the values of caring and sensitivity that we come to live by. We cannot possibly be the only ones who have had to wrap their minds around the concept.

Finally, to the fantastic writer on our Guest Book:

I hope this new blog clears some things up about the reality of our life. Looking back, I think we were a bit too absorbed by what was happening internally. We've done a lot of growing up lately and we are healthier than we have been in a long time. Thank you so much for bringing your concerns to us. It might have taken us about a year and a half to understand what you were trying to point out, but I think we see it now.

Thanks again to all of you readers who have been following this blog,


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

New Thins, Many Difrent Now. -- Ellie

Ims sory ifs the way I tipe is hard to reads. But peopl is sleepin. An it wuld tak lots longr to tipe thins out rigth.

We is stil workin at the factry that Grace talkd bout in the last blog post. We is doin great ther. Tonigth, Morrigan traned peple to do one of the spots she knos real well. We taked a test to see how muchs we kno and we got verry verry good job on it. Morrigan says ther is no reson why we won be hired on withs the factry wens usns contrakt with the temprary agenci is done. This job is gonna get rid of usns debts we hav ifs we can stay with the factry for least 2 year. Then Morrigan says we is gonna travel aaaaaallllll ovirs. Ims cited bout it! I knos it mean I no gonna see my Mommy muchs, but I thinks it gonna be fun! Specially sinc Morrigans says we wills com bak for Chrismas an othir big things. 

One thin that is reeaaallly reallly really big and difrent, me an Tommi an Grace an Bloomer all talkd it ovir an decide that we wans Morrigan to be our Main. A Main is the one who livs life most, they is the persin out front most ofs the time. They is in charge of how usns life goes. Usns leader an the one who gets decid what we do an don do. Morrigans was verrrry verrrry no happy we decid this... She thins it was cuz it no be part of the Harmony plan we hav, but I do no see poblem withs this tall. It taked her a whiles to get usd to bein Main... Tommi an Grace an Bloomer an I didn really gives her choic to no be Main... She was mad bout that. But now she is takin it an runnin wit it. She makin all kinds of big plans for usns life. Plans that usns Counsler an Mommy are sayin are good plans an thins we can an should do. 

We is so hapy. Hapir than we havs been in firever. My heart is quite now. Ims no mor heartsik for nobdy now. Evin tho I was heartsik cuz of Morrigans' heartsik, she is no feelin heartsik no more ether. She is figrin out why she heartsik and is doin stuffs bout it to tak care of herself. Ims so prod of my Morrigan, my Horsie. She is butiful and magestic. 

One no good thin bout usns job is tha we can no go to scool.. leas we don thins we can rigt now. No cuz money but cuz time. But Morrigan is workin on gettin free Filpino Figthing Stick trainin from usns friend. Hes real nice man; he don scare me tall. He lets me play withs his daghter who is my age. An he knos bout usns, we thins... we no so sure. but he knos we have PTSD an stuf an he asks qkestions lik What is your triggers? He do no wans to skare usns, he wans to teachs usns. We have a verry verry good frind, Zeo, seys that he knos this guy for long wile an knos he is trusworthy. My heart seyes that this man is lik a calm breeze trhrogh the trees on a comfy spring day. My heart seys hes a good man. My heart has no been rong many times. 

Morrigan an Bloomer is also workin on learnin Japanese. We is alos Crowchiting like is no bodys bisnes. An we is hapy cuz we can finly gets to help frinds whens they needs it! We finly can do somthin othier than jus listnin. It maks usns so verry hapy.

That is wat life is now: Verry Hapy.

-- Little "Ellie" Erin