Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Terms to Know

Alter (or Identity) -- 1. alternate personalities/identities within the mind of Erin. 2. (when capitalized) the alternate reality created by Yomi, which started out as an idealistic world and then gradually became the horribly dangerous place it is today.

Anthro -- animal-like humanoids that are sentient beings. Examples.

Black Room -- part of Erin's mindscape. The main "room" from which all other rooms branch off, similar to a wheel hub with spokes.

Blending -- Two or more alters coming together in thought and behavior to the point where it may become difficult to distinguish where one stops and the other begins. Thoughts become aligned and are as one. However, the alters are still distinct and are in control of different functions. They do not have to communicate by speaking to one another.

The Castle -- part of Erin's mindscape. Within the Darkness, passed the Pit and the Tombs. It's a grand castle with thick outer walls and six large towers. Each tower has an entrance hall and a throne room. The Castle is Yomi's.

Circle of Light -- the White doors make up the perimeter. Within that area there is "light" where you can clearly see. Outside of this area is the Darkness. When we talk about "going into the Black Room" this the area we are usually referring to.

The Cleaning Room --"It's a place of endless cleaning. At first, you sweep. Then, you dust. Then, you vacuum. Then, you mop. And, by the time you think you're done cleaning, it's time to start from the beginning" (Little "Ellie" Erin). Currently the residence of Blissy.

Co-Conscious -- two alters interacting with the outside reality at the same time. Both alters remain completely distinct from one another as in having their own thoughts and behaviors. They must communicate by speaking to one another, which is in contrast to Blending.

Crossbreed -- a mix of Anthro species. Morrigan, for example, is an Equine/Canine crossbreed. The correct way to refer to an Anthro mix.

The Darkness -- the place in the Black Room that is beyond the "lit" area. You can see very little beyond your own feet.

The Hallway -- connected to the Cleaning Room, it is a literal hallway with 7 doors; 3 on the right, 3 on the left, and one at the very end of the Hallway. The Anguish used to reside in the first closet to the right. The Figurines reside in the second door on the left.

Harmony --  "Our goal is to learn to co-exist with one another to benefit Erin; if this leads to integration, so be it; if it leads to continuing on as a multiple, so be it. But no matter what, our goal must change and grow as we learn more about who we are and what must be done." -- Morrigan

Imagination Room -- Imagination room is basically a Star Trek holodeck. For those of us who are not nerdy enough to know what that means, it is a room that can become anyplace you can imagine. For example, Bloomer took Ellie and Ginko on an African Safari one time. Also, books that we read are often played in the Imagination Room similar to a 3D movie.

Integration -- the process of an alter merging with another. Total Integration is when all the various alters all merge into one personality. Many of us see this as dying. Some of us, such as Naomi, do not. Our goal is Harmony, which may or may not include some integration.

Jihan's Apartment -- it's where Jihan lives. Generally filled with blankets, pillows, and other soft things as though it were one giant bed on the floor.

The Orphans -- a group of Littles who all came to the Black Room together and who used to all live with Sierra. The Orphans include Bloomer, Ginko Honey, and Rachel.

The Life Before -- the body's life before Yomi/Kitty took over as the Main alter. This was when Yomi/Kitty and Morrigan/Horsie were Erin's "imaginary friends."

Littles -- alters that are 12 years old and younger.

Nickie -- Yomi's ex-girlfriend. At one time, she was our greatest supporter and was there for us no matter what crazy things were going on. We are no longer in contact with her.

The Pit and the Tombs -- a place within the Darkenss. The Pit looks like a well complete with hand crank and rope. Once in the Pit, there is an overwhelming feeling of despair. The Tombs branch off from the Pit and is devoid of all light. Even if you bring light in it, the light does not work. The Tombs are a labyrinth. Usually people only enter with the rope tied around their waist to prevent becoming lost.

Medical Bay -- Part of the Room of Requirement. It is a basic medical office. It has everything we might need to patch someone up if they get beaten up by one of the other alters, which happens infrequently.

Room of Requirement -- Originally created as a catch-all room for Ellie, it has been broken up into three main rooms: Medical Bay, the Imagination Room, and a bedroom (which includes Ginko's closet).

Reality -- when capitalized it refers to real reality; the one that you, reader, are in.

Sierra's House --a 3-story, gigantic Victorian style house set in Chicago. It was where Sierra, Tommi, and the Orphans lived until April 18th. The house is currently empty of everything, nor can we get to it directly from the Black Room.

The Wall -- a wall that runs through the Black Room. Nere tunneled into it and made him/herself a room.

White Door -- the doors in the Black Room that lead to the different rooms or Reality.

The White Room -- It is the room that acts like a foyer between Reality and the Black Room.