Honestly, there have been two things that have been plaguing me the most. One is rather happy and exciting... or it might be... Tommi thinks it's exciting, but I'm terrified of the outcome. We have a pretty good guy friend that I've recently begun to take an interest in. Tommi keeps encouraging me to "go for it" but it scares me. The last time I liked someone, it turned out that he was a split from me and his sole purpose was to teach me to love myself. So I kind of think of it as being rigged; I was supposed to end up liking him in order to understand that I am lovable too. That being said, it means that I've never legitimately liked a guy enough to actually do something about it. However, I think a lot of people can relate to that. It's not an uncommon phenomenon. After all, I'm just a girl falling for the boy next door.
I guess it's bothering me because he consumes a large portion of my thoughts... Again, I'm sure others can relate to this, which is comforting to me. It's some kind of normalcy in my life of complexity. What amazes me is that all of us (and I really mean all of us) are comfortable around him. Ellie, who is usually hesitant or mildly fearful of men, enjoys being around him, even if he doesn't necessarily realize it's her. Tommi and our friend get along exceptionally well. As does Bloomer and Yomi (when she's actually out). I don't think Grace has spent much time around him, which doesn't reflect on him, rather it reflects on her own current state which I will explain later.
And while Tommi keeps encouraging me, I can't help but feeling as though I now understand what a single mother may feel when she thinks about dating. I come with a lot of people with me, a lot of baggage, and a lot of issues. Then again, who doesn't come with baggage and issues? I constantly worry that I'm going to mess things up and screw us up even more. I am afraid that I'll ruin a great friendship, not just for me, but for all of us within. Things are great now... But if things work out, they could be even better... And that is my hope. The situation is equal parts exciting, terrifying, exhilarating, and worrisome.