Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Friday, October 14, 2011

all lone -- little ellie erin

tuesday nigt, i heard Sadr callin for Tommi. She was in the Black Room an she was skard of somthin, so Tommi wentd to go help her. They hav both gon away. I can no finds them.

I wakd up the next mornin an they still was not back so I teld my mommy wat happined. She helpd me tell Tommi's teachers that we was not goin to school cuz we was sick. We do hav a cold but sayin we is sik is the easist way to explan wat is happinin. I hav been spendin tim with my frinds who kno bout everyone inside. I makd cookies yestrday an I wentd to Cowboy Church with my frinds. Cowboy Church is a church that has servic in a cow barn an they sing contry type church songs.

Ims goin to a nother frinds house tomorrow. She has lotsa anmals lik horses an chickens an dogs. She has DID too an i somtims play with her little one inside.

Peple keep sayin that Ims verry brav. But i keep tellin peple it is no verry hard wens I hav frinds an famly who knos wat is happinin an can helps me. The hard part is that Ims verry sad an lonly.

I wentd lookin for peple inside yestrday an I finded Rachel an Anguish. Iv been takin care of Rachel, changin her diapars an feedin her. Anguish can no coms out here cuz it would hurt too muchs. So ims the only one who can be outs here for now. I hope older peple com back afore monday cuz we hav school. I can no driv. I can no go to school. I would be so many afraids an skards. Our T says that she knos its gon to be kay ventually. An I kno that is true, but ims still so sad. I am no angry at Tommi an Sadr, but Ims sad that everbody is missin.

I can feels somthin happinin inside but I can no see it. It maks me tird. I relly wonderin wat it is an i wishes that they would be don soon so they can coms bak.

Befors Tommi an Sader leved, we hads som verry verry hapy news! Two thursdays ago my mommy an my daddy meetd with our T an they all talks bout how to helps all us inside bettr. Tommi askd them if we could jus not hide no more an they saids yes. So since the day aftr my birthday, October 6, we officially do not hide.

My mommmy buyed me coloring books an her an Tommi gotted books from the Libry for me to reads. An my mommy an daddy plays with me wen Ims out an tells me they lov me. I get to ackt lik me insted of tryin to ackt oldr. It maks me so verry verry hapy. It maks things easir for usns inside.

Then we startd to relax. I tolds my mommy that i get skards wen we start to relax cuz it means somthin bad is bout to happin inside... an then a few days latr Tommi an Sader go missin. I jus lookd at my mommy an I said, See, this is wat happins wen we relax. She jus tolds me that we gon to have to relax somtim evin if it means bad thins gon to happin cuz ventually bad things will stop happinin. Ims tryin to belive her cuz I knos my mommy dos not lie to me.

that is alls for now. I wills mak sure to tells the blog wen peple com bak.

-- Little Ellie Erin

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

my birthday -- little ellie erin

today is the day that i was borned. Ims thinkin that it be mor rigt to say that this be the day that the body was borned. Cuz i was no borned like other peple, but october 5 is still my birthday.

this birthday was muchs better than my las one. Wens I stay with Blissy, things were no so nice lik it is now. I know we do no think it is verry nice rigt now cuz of wat all is goin on, but it is still better than wat i used to hav.

today I havs a mommy that lovs me. A daddy that lovs me. My oldest sistr nos I'm in here an she lovs me. I have FRINDS! I hav manys. I do no talks bout them much here cuz i do not no if they is kay with bein on the blog. But I have many frinds who lov me an ask bouts me all the tim. They play with me an we bake cinimimamin rolls an let me eat brown suger. heehee. I hav a frind who is 4 an we color tgether. I hav frinds who is older than Yomi and they play with me too! We playd the game Sorry! las week. I no remembry who winned but it no matter cuz we was havin fun an laffin an smilin an everythin. I liks my lif how it is rigt now.

The way it usd to be with Blissy was no so nice as now. I hads to clean alls the time. No rest. I havs to hear Blissy tells me why Ims such a bad little girl an how everythin was my fault. It was no Riginal Erins fault, it was all mines. She tolds me I was a little demon child who made Riginal Erin go way. So on my birthday she would spank me an tells me I shuld never hav been borns. I kno now that a lots of wat Blissy teached me is verry wrong. Ims still learnin wat is rigt tho. I learnin that it is kay if I needs to take a nap, evin if ims needin to nap out here. It is kay for me to be outs. Ims learnin that Blissy was a mean grown up grouch an i don wan to be like her. Ims wanna be lik me.

I wan to learn to be jus a littl girl gans. Ive forgetted how to play with toy horsies an i needs to learn how gans. I lov to color. I lov to draw. I wan to learn no to be fraids of swings so I can go play on playgrounds gan too. I wan to learn that nobody is gon to hurt me like i hav been hurtd no mor. I wan to learn how to be carful with my heart so I only givs it to peple who will be good to it. I wan to learn how to help peple without gettin hurt. I wan to learn how to do all many things but mos of all I wan to learn to be Little Ellie Erin an nobody else.

Thats wat I wan to do.

-- Little Ellie Erin

Monday, October 3, 2011

Google+ -- Tommi

I'm excited because Google+ has finally opened up a bit more, so I was able to create us an account. This account will be for us to be openly multiple (as opposed to Yomi's Facebook account where we just can't).

You can find us by following this link or by searching for "Morrigan Portalis" (we're using her email address, so it comes up as her name).

I'm excited to meet people as us and to interact on a social networking site without having to hide from all of Yomi's friends who don't know.

-- Tommi