Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Friday, October 14, 2011

all lone -- little ellie erin

tuesday nigt, i heard Sadr callin for Tommi. She was in the Black Room an she was skard of somthin, so Tommi wentd to go help her. They hav both gon away. I can no finds them.

I wakd up the next mornin an they still was not back so I teld my mommy wat happined. She helpd me tell Tommi's teachers that we was not goin to school cuz we was sick. We do hav a cold but sayin we is sik is the easist way to explan wat is happinin. I hav been spendin tim with my frinds who kno bout everyone inside. I makd cookies yestrday an I wentd to Cowboy Church with my frinds. Cowboy Church is a church that has servic in a cow barn an they sing contry type church songs.

Ims goin to a nother frinds house tomorrow. She has lotsa anmals lik horses an chickens an dogs. She has DID too an i somtims play with her little one inside.

Peple keep sayin that Ims verry brav. But i keep tellin peple it is no verry hard wens I hav frinds an famly who knos wat is happinin an can helps me. The hard part is that Ims verry sad an lonly.

I wentd lookin for peple inside yestrday an I finded Rachel an Anguish. Iv been takin care of Rachel, changin her diapars an feedin her. Anguish can no coms out here cuz it would hurt too muchs. So ims the only one who can be outs here for now. I hope older peple com back afore monday cuz we hav school. I can no driv. I can no go to school. I would be so many afraids an skards. Our T says that she knos its gon to be kay ventually. An I kno that is true, but ims still so sad. I am no angry at Tommi an Sadr, but Ims sad that everbody is missin.

I can feels somthin happinin inside but I can no see it. It maks me tird. I relly wonderin wat it is an i wishes that they would be don soon so they can coms bak.

Befors Tommi an Sader leved, we hads som verry verry hapy news! Two thursdays ago my mommy an my daddy meetd with our T an they all talks bout how to helps all us inside bettr. Tommi askd them if we could jus not hide no more an they saids yes. So since the day aftr my birthday, October 6, we officially do not hide.

My mommmy buyed me coloring books an her an Tommi gotted books from the Libry for me to reads. An my mommy an daddy plays with me wen Ims out an tells me they lov me. I get to ackt lik me insted of tryin to ackt oldr. It maks me so verry verry hapy. It maks things easir for usns inside.

Then we startd to relax. I tolds my mommy that i get skards wen we start to relax cuz it means somthin bad is bout to happin inside... an then a few days latr Tommi an Sader go missin. I jus lookd at my mommy an I said, See, this is wat happins wen we relax. She jus tolds me that we gon to have to relax somtim evin if it means bad thins gon to happin cuz ventually bad things will stop happinin. Ims tryin to belive her cuz I knos my mommy dos not lie to me.

that is alls for now. I wills mak sure to tells the blog wen peple com bak.

-- Little Ellie Erin


  1. I have been theorizing that these disappearances are perhaps related to some attempt by your mindscape to repair itself from the damage it incurred so long ago. It would seem to fit with what's been going on.

    For what it's worth, I think that the other alters are still out there somewhere.

    Is the storm still raging in the Black Room? If so, it's possible that a release of sorts might be able to weaken it.

    Keep pressing forward. The mind tends to react to perceived needs and you just may find some answers you seek in the process.

    Well that's my 20 cents. Until next time.

  2. Morrigan and our counselor have a strong theory about why people went missing. We aren't ready to share it quite yet, but we will update about it eventually. And I would agree about the mind reacting to perceived needs. We all underestimate the strength of each other and ourselves, which leads to us trying to protect one another when we don't need to.

    The storm has been gone for a while, I don't really remember when it stopped, now that you mention it.

    Thanks again for commenting.

    -- Tommi


A comment? Thanks. You're awesome.