Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Not just imaginary anymore. -- Morrigan

I was told by my T that we couldn't move much further forward until she knew that I did not blame myself or think that what happened way back when was not my fault... Easier said than done.

But she got me reflecting on what happened to cause Erin's original splits... When Erin was only 6 years old, Yomi and I lived outside the body and supported Erin as "imaginary friends"... We were her helpers, her protectors... But imaginary friends are no help against a solid man. When he attacked Erin... I couldn't do anything. My hardest efforts didn't even effect the man. I litterally couldn't touch him...

I know this, so why 15 years later... Why do I feel there was something more I could have done? Why is my heart so heavy? I know it wasn't my fault but why do I feel so helpless whenever I think back? I don't remember much, but what I do remember... It drags my heart down.

I have never felt this way before. I have never felt so burdened with sadness. I have no energy. I feel helpless. I feel as though I've lost myself. I sit here curled up in a blanket and wish I didn't have things that I had to do. But I get up and do them...

When I am inside... I do my job, but otherwise I sleep. We all sleep. We are all exhausted. I feel like we are weakening.

-- Morrigan
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