Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Just a boy -- Tommi

I thought it was high time that there was a post addressing the idea of Crossgender alters. When you are the same gender as the body, certain things don't cross your mind because it's normal. However, being a 13 year old boy in a 21 year old female body... Certain issues come up. Some humorous, some not. 

Some of the humorous things are arguements about what kinds of underwear we wear, discussions on wether we should dress like a boy or dress like a girl, and the difference between our voices inside and outside. Now, I don't presume to speak for all male alters in female bodies, but I do speak for me and Bloomer, the two boys that are out most often. 

Bloomer and I were very excited about a week or more ago because Yomi was finally able to buy us boxers. I find tighty whities to be very uncomfortable, so girl underwear has been a pain. It's amazing how much more comfortable in this body I am with the righ kinds of clothes. I know Bloomer feels the same as we've discussed it. Now with this added variety of underwear comes rules you'd never expect to have to have. Yomi and Little Erin find boxers very uncomfortable, so they dnt want to wear them when they're outside. However, we can't be changing clothing all the time, so we had came up with a compromise between the four of us. The basic gist of it is that whoever gets dressed gets to pick what we wear and no one can change it without good reason (situational appropriateness and so forth). It's working out pretty good so far. 

Now, the decision to dress like a boy or a girl is also the topic of many discussions inside. I will dress either way, depending on what is going on that day. I enjoy doing make up and clothes stuff for girls so it doesn't bother me to dress the body that way. In fact, I've dressed the body for Yomi on ocassion because she knows I like to. Bloomer almost always dresses as much like a boy as he can. However the jeans Yomi has are all definitely girl jeans, so it's more difficult than it sounds. But him and I get over that and just wear t-shirts and jeans usually. 

Dressing like a boy crosses over into the not so fun discussion because, well, to be frank, girls have breasts and boys do not. Bloomer and I are constantly aware that we are not in our own body because of this problem and I know it makes me uncomfortable realizing they're there. A pretty good fix Bloomer and I have come up with is layering shirts over a camisol and "wife beater" tank top. That works for now, but a better solution will have to be found. I've done some researching at Female-to-Male transgender sites and they recommend binding the chest with ace bandages. Maybe one day... That'd be nice. 

Another entertaining problem is the difference of our voices inside and outside. Yes, Bloomer and I are pretty young still, so we don't have deep voices inside, but my voice is higher out here... Much more than I like. I end up sounding a lot like Yomi and that bothers me too, but our pattern of speech is different, so that helps I suppose. 

The least fun topic, on which I will only speak very briefly, is "that time of the month." Honestly, I just try not to be out here when that's going on. It's gross and I don't want to deal with it. Us boys and Little Erin are super grossed out, so we let Yomi and Morrigan deal with it. 

I think one other frustrating thing about being a boy in a girl's body is that I think people would have a hard time remembering that I'm me, I'm a young boy... With Little Erin, people only have to remember that she's 6. With me and Bloomer, a person has to keep our age and gender in mind, which is hard when we physically look like a girl. I'm not solid on this theory, but I'm sure it's sound. I haven't any friends out here, so I don't know who I would ask about it. 

That's all for right now.


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