Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Losing Time -- Morrigan

One of the traits/effects of DID is that the affected person tends to have gaps in time for which they cannot account. It has been a long time since we have dealt with that specific issue, due to the fact that we have a rather sophisticated communication system in place. In fact it has been at least a year and a half since we have had to deal with this specifically. And even then it didn't bother us too much because we generally knew who had been out and for how long. So even though we could not say what we had did, we at least could figure it out due to the usual behavior patterns of the person who was out at the time.

And now? We are losing time. With no explanation. With no idea who was out at the time. And sometimes it's even difficult to figure out what length of time we have missed, since we can't specifically point to when the lost time started. Definitively, there have been two distinct periods of time we have lost within the past few weeks.

The first time started (we think) just after Tommi finished washing dishes. Then the next thing we know, we are sitting in our room, in the dark, while eating peanut butter off a spoon.

The second time, I (Morrigan) was playing solitaire on our computer. The next thing we know, we woke up the next morning in bed. We later found a 13 minute video on our computer which was recorded by Marie and Shiloh. That only accounts for 13 minutes out of the possible hours they could have been out.

On top of that, we are losing the ability to keep track of time within the White Room. It used to be easy to know what time it was, but ever since we have untangled, it has gotten harder and harder. This normally wouldn't be an issue, except it's affecting our relationships with various people.

When I came out today, I could have sworn it was still Thursday or Friday evening (it doesn't help that one of our weekly "landmarks" has been switched from Thursdays to Fridays). Instead it its Saturday evening. Which, again, wouldn't be too much of an issue had I not promised to reply to a friend's message a day or so ago (I cannot remember what day I promised to do this, which frustrates the hell out of me). I know what general activities we have done, such as letting Ellie play and babysitting for a neighbor, but the timeline is all screwed up.

What is going on? Why are we going through this phase, for I really hope this is a phase... I know from past experience that we have a period of calm and then one of chaotic happenings. Things have been relatively calm over the summer and for most of the Fall semester (minus the mash-up, which was confusing, but still less chaotic than other things that have happened). Perhaps this is our next period of chaos? Random switching, gaps of lost time, inability to keep track of time...


To whomever it is stealing time, just talk to us; let us know what is going on. We want to share our life with you, not keep you locked away from being out. We want to live in harmony with you. So help us help you.

-- Morrigan


  1. Sorry you're having such an unsettling time.

    I particularly like your last paragraph, especially where you say "We want to share our life with you, not keep you locked away from being out."

    Some of inside really need(ed) to hear that from me. Thanks for giving me the words.

  2. Even if another chaotic time is brewing, you have resources on both sides of the White Room. While there is no easy way through hard times, picking the right tool for the right job while continuing to move forward can create improvement. Sometimes it can even be as simple as a small perspective shift or giving yourself room to unwind.

    It's not always something's ability to resist breaking that is representative of strength. Instead, the ability to repair and reinforce after eventual breaks can be what is truly valued.

    Well, that's my 20 cents. Until next time.


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