Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Things in mirror are closer than they appear -- Erin (or whoever I am)

The last time I wrote, I was fairly optimistic that things would get worked out rather quickly. It's been about 3 weeks and we're still all tangled up together. I'm frustrated with the situation and wish that people could get themselves untangled, but I've found out some things that complicate matters.

Last Sunday (September 16), Morrigan tried extremely hard to untangle herself. But she got pulled back within the tangle by these purple-black cords (similar to what Venom looks like when a bell tolls). Morrigan yelled out, "This isn't fair!" To which, Justice replied, "Since when has Justice ever been fair?" It was at this moment that I realized that, while we might have gotten tangled up on accident, we were being held this way by someone else inside. It seems like Chaos & Justice has struck again. Since realizing that, I have been trying to find and talk to Ellie, since she was the one who put a stop to their shenanigans the last time. I have had no success thus far.

To be honest, this severely decimated what little optimism I had of this tangle being dealt with quickly. I met with my counselor today and I know that this information has her very worried as well.

If this were not enough, our dad lost his job today. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that are attached to that statement, but, needless to say, I am very worried and afraid. Many things have been going through my head of what this could mean for me and my family. It basically boils down to, if they move away from this immediate area, I will have to get my own place, as the majority of my support system, which includes my counselor and certain friends, is in this area. We also will have to find a room-mate as it is unhealthy for us to live alone at this point in time. Finding a suitable room-mate is difficult in the best of times for anyone; for us with all our issues, it can only be even more so.

The external stability that we value and appreciate so highly has been shaken. I have had one panic attack and almost several more since my dad told me about all this.

But here's the good news, that support system that I need so desperately, my faith in them is well founded. I was whisked away by two of my biggest supporters (honestly, they're more like big, lovable, protective brothers to us all) along with two of their very close friends, whom we are excited to get to know better. They have made life easier to handle. I can look at my situation without panicking. As long as I have friends like these, it's going to work out. Life might get more crazy and nearly impossible to deal with, but we have friends who need us and love us all very much. Because of them, I can say I'm happy today. My life feels like it's crashing around my feet, but I am calm and collected, ready to deal with what comes.

It feels so good to be able to say, Erin is happy today and she's excited about tomorrow.

-- Erin, or whoever I am.


  1. I'm sorry to hear about your dad losing his job.
    I hope everything turns out for the better for you.
    I'm in some dire straights myself and wish I could at least do /Something/ to help, but I doubt I can or would be of any help.
    all I can really do I suppose is continue to keep my thoughts & prayers for you.
    we've not talked as much as of late but I swear I /do/ read these. just rather hard to keep up without a computer
    Best of luck

  2. Hang in there buddy. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.


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