I understand how difficult is is for some of us to explain away the way we talk. Ellie, for example, is afraid of people not understanding why her voice is so tiny, so she hides it when those who don't know about our multiple identities are around. This is completely justifiable and it's a much needed precaution many times. However, Ellie knows that, when she is around those who know, she can drop the front and be herself in all her adorable glory. I, myself, have to pay attention to how I talk so I don't swear so much, as people are not used to Erin cussing. I had to restrain myself earlier tonight talking with our mom because I know she really dislikes swearing and I respect her immensely.
So I understand that Morrigan conceals her accent when she is at school, where the mass majority of people have no clue about our multiplicity. This makes sense: it avoids difficult or awkward questions and it protects us from people who may be afraid and treat us differently. This is what I simply cannot understand: Why is it so damn hard for Morrigan to be her accented self when around her closest of friends? She has so few that she calls her close friends, yet she is afraid that her accent is going to somehow scare them off. We have told them about our DID; some of them have seen the negative effects of being a multiple. None of those who she has trusted has decided it is too much, and, yet, she thinks her accent, something that is relatively minor, will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Morrigan has told me before that when she conceals her accent, she feels as though she is a bold-faced liar. She is so concerned with being herself, just like every other identity with Erin. She struggles with it alongside the rest of us. There is a dichotomy within us: how do we be our individual selves yet present a cohesive whole to the general public? I fear that she has taken our cohesiveness too personally.
Yes, I have spoken at length with Morrigan about this. Yes, she understands and agrees with my concerns. She also is actively struggling with how to remedy the situation.
I wish there was some way I help her more. Support her more as she has supported the rest of us. Tommi and I have tried to bolster her courage by lending her confidence. She has prayed to her God at length and has petitioned Him many times. I, honestly, have half a mind to just talk to those who she is afraid of scaring off and proving to her that they are far more hardy and loyal than she is currently realizing.
However, I know one day she will have the courage to be the gorgeous, shining, sensational individual that is within her. I see it smoldering in her heart like embers begging for a breath of air. She'll get there, but my greatest fear is that, for a few of her current friends, eventually may be too late.