Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

About Little Erin -- Yomi

Over the past few days I have learned much more about Little Erin and what exactly she means to me. (In the picture below, Little Erin would be the girl on the bottom step.)

When I first met Little Erin it was at the insistence of Blissy. I had just had been scared while taking a shower and Blissy asked me if I wanted to see what she thought I looked like. Before I could answer, she had shoved a mirror in front of my face and I was looking at the reflection of what I looked like at 6 years old, or there about. When I put the mirror down, there in front of me stood my reflection. I asked her her name and she replied with my full name. This little girl was me when I was a child, and it scared the crap out of me.

Since then, I made her the Room of Requirement in order that she has a place to stay outside the reach of Blissy.

Little Erin is a charming little girl; full of wonder and curiosity. Nickie adores her and shows Little Erin all sorts of things when she comes out. Little Erin still thinks it's 1995, even though we have explained multiple times that it isn't, that her body is older now. She doesn't look in mirrors because it truly weirds her out that she is tall, her hand are big, and that, instead of white hair, she now has black.

Nickie and I have been slowly exposing her to the Disney movies that she missed out on and the video games we know she will love. To her, the original Nintendo (NES) is the only platform available. We haven't shown her the Wii just yet, but she has seen internet games. The internet itself was somewhat hard to explain, but it was managed. All in all, Little Erin is a bright and obedient girl.


I have been learning recently that her and I have a much stronger connection than even Morrigan and I have. At first it frightened me, I didn't understand why being around Little Erin made me feel so vulnerable. So I was happy to pass her off to Nickie whenever she came out; it doesn't help that I have no earthly idea of what to do with a child that age.

Little Erin still makes me feel vulnerable, but now, at least, I understand why and that it is okay. After she shared the memory of the man at the playground with me, I had naively thought that she did not hold anything connected to those memories... Looking back, I cannot believe how stupid I was to assume this. Little Erin is a frightened and scared little girl that still has no idea of what to do with the memories that she has tried so hard to forget. She made me feel vulnerable because we had the same pain, the same questions, the same fears... I didn't realize this until she wrote down her memories. I can't believe I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I missed hers. Her and I get along much better now that we understand one another.


From what I can tell, Little Erin experienced abuse from the man at the playground six different times causing the splits for Guilt, Jihan, Marie, Morrigan, and Yomi. The current theory is that after Little Erin could not handle life, Marie took over. I do not know when the transition from Marie to Yomi happened. This theory has flaws, but it's the best I have for now.

-- Yomi

(Little Erin is the girl in the bottom right corner.)

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