Things in mirror are closer than they appear -- Erin (or whoever I am)

The last time I wrote, I was fairly optimistic that things would get worked out rather quickly. It's been about 3 weeks and we're still all tangled up together. I'm frustrated with the situation and wish that people could get themselves untangled, but I've found out some things that complicate matters.

Last Sunday (September 16), Morrigan tried extremely hard to untangle herself. But she got pulled back within the tangle by these purple-black cords (similar to what Venom looks like when a bell tolls). Morrigan yelled out, "This isn't fair!" To which, Justice replied, "Since when has Justice ever been fair?" It was at this moment that I realized that, while we might have gotten tangled up on accident, we were being held this way by someone else inside. It seems like Chaos & Justice has struck again. Since realizing that, I have been trying to find and talk to Ellie, since she was the one who put a stop to their shenanigans the last time. I have had no success thus far.

To be honest, this severely decimated what little optimism I had of this tangle being dealt with quickly. I met with my counselor today and I know that this information has her very worried as well.

If this were not enough, our dad lost his job today. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that are attached to that statement, but, needless to say, I am very worried and afraid. Many things have been going through my head of what this could mean for me and my family. It basically boils down to, if they move away from this immediate area, I will have to get my own place, as the majority of my support system, which includes my counselor and certain friends, is in this area. We also will have to find a room-mate as it is unhealthy for us to live alone at this point in time. Finding a suitable room-mate is difficult in the best of times for anyone; for us with all our issues, it can only be even more so.

The external stability that we value and appreciate so highly has been shaken. I have had one panic attack and almost several more since my dad told me about all this.

But here's the good news, that support system that I need so desperately, my faith in them is well founded. I was whisked away by two of my biggest supporters (honestly, they're more like big, lovable, protective brothers to us all) along with two of their very close friends, whom we are excited to get to know better. They have made life easier to handle. I can look at my situation without panicking. As long as I have friends like these, it's going to work out. Life might get more crazy and nearly impossible to deal with, but we have friends who need us and love us all very much. Because of them, I can say I'm happy today. My life feels like it's crashing around my feet, but I am calm and collected, ready to deal with what comes.

It feels so good to be able to say, Erin is happy today and she's excited about tomorrow.

-- Erin, or whoever I am.

Who am I? -- Erin (or whomever I happen to be)

I woke up today around 4:30 in the afternoon, which means we got over 14 hours of sleep last night. When I finally got out of bed, I couldn't figure out who I was. I've been trying to figure that out since I've been awake; still no luck.

I know for certain that I am not Grace, as she talked to me a little bit ago. According to her, my form keeps "flickering" so I appear very blurry. She says I'm no one she recognizes, but that it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I could be someone new, or I could just be an accidental mash-up of a lot of people.

I don't think I'm Morrigan, or Tommi, or Naomi, or Ellie, or Yomi, or anyone else that I know the name of. I'm not entirely worried about this right now; I'll be more worried tomorrow if this is still happening. If it is, I fully intend on calling up my counselor and leaving her a voice mail. I'm just glad that this is Labor Day weekend, which means I don't have school on Monday. That gives me one more day to figure this out.

It's pretty confusing, but not frightening. We've lost track of our identities before, and we've always been able to figure it out. I just hope I'm not someone new; that could possibly be a bad thing.

I spent the day (what little of it I was awake) trying to relax and not worry about anything. That was pretty simple, though the weather gave me some worry. There was a really big storm cell that passed through my area. The tornado sirens went off and my parents and I put our cats in carriers or the bathroom. I for one nearly took a nap with my cat in the bathtub. I was pretty comfortable.

I just hope this gets figured out by tomorrow.