Things are hard again. Our period of respite and (mostly) stable-ness is over; we definitely enjoyed it (as our counselor urged us to do).
It ended with the sudden reappearance of Sader (who has finally chosen her own name: Naomi). Our counselor decided to explore what middle and high school was like for Yomi and Naomi... The problem is that Naomi believes that she's not supposed to feel anything; we have no idea where she got that idea. Fortunately, Naomi doesn't give her emotions away... Unfortunately, she just bottles them inside and they leak over onto everyone else.
I am glad that Naomi has decided to stick around. She says that she's missed out on 4 years of life and she's not about to miss any more. So she's helping out with school, which started up a little over a week ago. Learning Naomi's take on what happened in middle and high school definitely allows us to better understand how Yomi got to where she's at now.
At the same time though, Morrigan and I aren't doing so well. Both of us feel we need to be strong for our internal family and in order to make it though the school semester (and possibly hold a job). The truth is that neither of us feel strong. We help each other best we can. We understand that our strength comes from the support of our internal family, and so we ask each other for help when we need it... But we still feel so weak, as though we'll come apart if someone realizes what's actually happening.
So we smile, laugh, joke. We hide the truth from the casual passerby, hoping that the strength we glean from one another will endure and last through anything life throws at us.
It ended with the sudden reappearance of Sader (who has finally chosen her own name: Naomi). Our counselor decided to explore what middle and high school was like for Yomi and Naomi... The problem is that Naomi believes that she's not supposed to feel anything; we have no idea where she got that idea. Fortunately, Naomi doesn't give her emotions away... Unfortunately, she just bottles them inside and they leak over onto everyone else.
I am glad that Naomi has decided to stick around. She says that she's missed out on 4 years of life and she's not about to miss any more. So she's helping out with school, which started up a little over a week ago. Learning Naomi's take on what happened in middle and high school definitely allows us to better understand how Yomi got to where she's at now.
At the same time though, Morrigan and I aren't doing so well. Both of us feel we need to be strong for our internal family and in order to make it though the school semester (and possibly hold a job). The truth is that neither of us feel strong. We help each other best we can. We understand that our strength comes from the support of our internal family, and so we ask each other for help when we need it... But we still feel so weak, as though we'll come apart if someone realizes what's actually happening.
So we smile, laugh, joke. We hide the truth from the casual passerby, hoping that the strength we glean from one another will endure and last through anything life throws at us.
Once you find something that shows you your own strength, that feeling of weakness will go away. I can't say what it will be, but you'll recognize it when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you know the source of your strength is an important step. Shed some of the worry you're experiencing and you'll have all you need.
Thought of the day: "You'll know something's important when you have to relearn it over and over again." -me
Well, that's my 20 cents. Until next time.
I know I've said it before, but I want to say it again. I am here for you (not just Morrigan, for all of you) when you need me.
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