Read This First

We have moved to a different blog: We Choose Harmony

To see why, read this post: From Internal to External.

But feel free to read this blog for background information.

In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Things are going to be hard again. -- Ellie

Hiii everybody. It's me, Little Ellie Erin (I have Tommi helping me to make sure the spelling and stuff is right so it's easier to read). We have a lot going on and a lot has been happening and I realized Tommi an Morrigan have not been writing it on here.

I do not remember how long ago it was now, but Yomi disappeared along with Ginko (YAAY we do not get along very well. I know I should not feel happy about it, but I do), Rachel, an Bloomer (very very very very SAD). Me and Tommi and Morrigan and Grace have been taking care of things. Tommi an Morrigan got a very good grade on their last math test. They were very scared that they would get a bad grade because Bloomer wasn't there to take the test for us. But they got a good grade and we are very happy about that. We think we also got a good grade on our art project. We should be putting pictures up of it soon. I really like it. It's a really good book.

But like I was saying, Yomi and people disappeared. It's scary. We all were trying so hard to help her and to help her not be so very sad, but she left us. We are not angry... Well, maybe we are a little. I know I am a little. I am not so mad at Yomi, because I understand she had to leave, but I am mad that she did not say goodbye or tell us that she had to leave. She just POOF left. I wish she had said bye.

And it makes us feel a lot guilty for saying this. And by a lot I mean LOTS and LOTS guilty, so please don't think us bad for this. Things have gotten easier since Yomi left. I think she knew that it would. I think she knew that would could get better faster if she was not around so that when she is ready, we are strong enough to help her. We feel bad that we are... Tommi says the word is relieved. We feel bad that we are relieved, but I know that Yomi is going to come back. And when she does we are going to be able to help her in ways that we could not this time.

So now we are going to be working very hard on some very hard things. Some very... scary things. Things that I have been wanting to work on since I ran away from Blissy for the final time. Things I have been ready to work on for over a year now. Tommi and Morrigan have worked passed some of their biggest problems and they are much stronger now. They work together now very well.

So now it's my turn.

Our counselor says that if I am ready, we can work on me not being afraid of swings and playgrounds. I asked my mommy to help me because I know I am going to be very very very very afraid. Our counselor says that we are going to have to go to playgrounds and listen to swings and look at swings and MAYBE sit on a swing, but that comes much later I think. I am very afraid of swings. I made Tommi promise that I could take my baby blanket and Pinkie the stuffed animal rabbit with me. He said of course. They help protect me from bad things.

Just thinking about this makes me nervous. But I have a Tommi and a Morrigan and a Mommy to help me this time. It's more than I had when it all happened the first time.

Tommi says things are going to be very hard for a while. He thinks I'm going to have nightmares and panic attacks. I do not know if he is right. I know that he has those when he gets triggered so maybe it will be like that for me too.

But if people who read this can please talk to Mister God and Mister Jesus to help me cuz I'm going to need all the help I can get. I'm going to be asking them too. Actually, I'm probably going to sing-ask it, because that's how I talk to Mister God and Mister Jesus.

Thank you all you many people from all over the planet for listening to a little girl like me.

-- Little Ellie Erin (with Tommi helping with spelling and stuff HeeHeeHee)


  1. When it comes to facing one's fears, the dreading beforehand is usually the worst part. It will probably take a significant amount of time, but if you keep at it, playgrounds won't be so scary for you anymore.

    Well, that's my 20 cents. Until next time.

    1. thank you 20cents. I do not knos how long its gon to tak, but i will not be skard of playgrounds one day. -- Ellie


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