Read This First
In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.
All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.
If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.
Thank you for visiting!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
About Jihan -- Yomi
When Jihan's father kidnapped him and Morrigan, it could be said that he was affected by the event more than his sister. Morrigan went from being a outgoing, social child to more withdrawn and fearful behavior. Jihan's daily behavior did not seem to change, however, the torturing of his sister and the killing of his mother were a result of the kidnapping. Growing up, Jihan would deny killing his mother on purpose to everyone but Morrigan. He would also deny putting Morrigan through any more torment than was normal for siblings. Something one must remember about Jihan is that he has the uncanny ability to speak in such a way that makes people believe or want to believe what he is saying. He is one of those frustrating people that, when found with his hand in the cookie jar, he could convince most people that he was not really trying to get a cookie.
Jihan became aware of being one of Erin's Alters when he was in prison serving time for the murder of MacKenzie. Shortly after this, he escaped prison and began living in an apartment somewhere in the USA; he has never disclosed its exact location. Speaking with him after his escape I found out his reasons behind all of his actions.
According to Jihan, he tormented his twin in order that she learn not to trust anyone. He figured that the only way for Morrigan to succeed in the world is if she only trusted herself and her own abilities. Thus, he caused everyone to turn against his sister so they would not trust her, in order to cause Morrigan to not be able to trust them. This plan worked flawlessly until he was caught by MacKenzie. Because MacKenzie knew the truth, Morrigan was able to put her trust and rely on him. This threatened to compromise Jihan's plan, so he got rid of MacKenzie. Now, Jihan insists that the reason for MacKenzie's murder was because MacKenzie was physically and sexually abusing Morrigan. How true this is, I do not know as Morrigan will not talk much about MacKenzie with me.
As for the death of their mother, Jihan has admitted that it was intentional and that it was at the instruction of his father. Jihan claims that he daily regrets killing their mother; I have no reason to disbelieve him on this particular point.
The purpose of Jihan as Erin's Alter is, supposedly, to allow Erin to trust people. The idea is that, if Jihan can instill distrust for everyone within Morrigan, then all of Erin's distrust will be in Morrigan, which should allow her to trust anyone and everyone. Regarding this too I have no reason to disbelieve Jihan's word. It certainly explains why my intense amount of trust--to the point of naivety--has gotten me into trouble as well as allowed me to make friends of people of many backgrounds.
I used to be terrified of Jihan; however, this was before I heard his side of the twin's story. Granted, I don't completely trust him, but I am able to take him at his word because of a deal that we have made. If I gave up referring to him as "The Murderer" or "The Liar" and gave him a chance, then Jihan would tell me the truth about himself and his story. However, this does not mean that he doesn't lie when it comes to accusing me of various things, which he does often enough to be a bit problematic. This also does not prevent him from striking me with his cat-o-nine-tails when I am in the Black Room after he has verbally attacked.
Jihan, since telling his side of the story, is typically quiet and does not comment on my daily life. I usually only see him when I am mentally freaking out due to a trigger or due to a different personality instigating something. He almost always is in the Black Room when Guilt, his lover, is causing a ruckus in the Black Room.
I have only a few sketches of Jihan which have stayed in my sketchbook. This blog is the first place I have ever posted images of him. This is mostly because I do not enjoy drawing him.
The markings which Morrigan and Jihan share are the Star of David bellybutton marking and the Blood Cross face marking. Morrigan's hand markings are natural, but Jihan used to dye the fur on his hands opposite of Morrigan's markings in order to mock her. Since realizing that he is Erin's Alter, he has ceased dying his hands; they are naturally blue-grey in color. The majority of Morrigan's fur is red-grey, while Jihan's is blue-grey. They are intentionally opposites; two sides of the same coin.
Back when I believed that some of the other Alters were just characters I created, I thought that Jihan symbolically represented who I would have been if I didn't care about the beliefs, morals, and values that I grew up with, namely that of Christianity. While this is not a bad interpretation of what Jihan could represent, I have come to find that he is so much more, and I learn more every day.